“Harvest Moon” is just a song

Trembling under that moon.
That harvest moon?

Feet in the december water but I was warm as I’d ever been.

That moon stole my fairytale away.

I’ll never love that deeply again.

Not because another woman isnt out there...

But because I thought I found her once before...

And she traded us for them.

Trust is just a word now.

Love is just a word now.
Feelings remain alive in me...

But theyre just feelings.

I’ve been burned by that fire before.

It still burns...

But I’d rather wander away in the woods and howl at that moon.

My fairytale is over.

No love is true.

No trust will last.

Life is suffering.

Its okay.

I’m happier on my own...

Because at least I lie to myself less.

My dreams are still haunted by it.
Like my conscious  self is over it, but my subconcsience is still really sick.
Like Mol in Inception.
She shows up in every other dream.
Just to fuck with me.
Its like every other day I have to get over it again.
Every morning is spent processing my dreams.
Dreams I wish would have been true.
Dreams I’m absolutely disgusted by.
Either way they leave me in a funk.

Loneliness and love are intense emotions.
She was my sweetheart... but that didnt mean enough to her I guess

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Three thousand miles.

The drive was long and quiet.

Pines that would not stop coming.

Allot was on my mind.

She was on my mind, and I didn't seem to care, which is an important step in the right direction.

I've become the rolling stone that Bob Dylan sang about.

I overcame everything thrown my way.

My hat makes me feel stronger than I think I can be, and I've put it on appropriately when I need to buck up and be a man.

I was driving home last night, one of the first "nights" I've had here. The sun is always up in Alaska.

Streets were quiet, and the music made the coastal city come alive for a while.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh-PMHmd00o

It was beautiful.

--

I woke up this morning and my fresh mind thought that when I swung the van doors open I'd be in Logan, instead, I put my boots on in the anchorage rain.

I feel responsible here. Like I'm becoming my dad. I put my rain jacket, watch, and boots on, I go to work and make to-do lists.

I've become someone I can count on. Someone who at the very least will be 100% honest with me, someone who will argue with me, and someone who will revive me when I've been hit.

I was sitting in the van today when the sun came out, the first patch of blue skies I'd seen since home. It was so blue.

Homesickness comes and goes.

These Alaskan sunsets go on forever though, and the seaborne clouds and the salty air are enough for me.

I will get by.

--

J,

I'll always be glad that I just came out and told you how I felt about you, even if it was too late, happening hours before I left.

Sometime in the fall, I'll see you, and you'll see me.

You know how well I would care for you, and you for me.

I know you won't let go by the Fall, and I don't really care.

I'm not going to fight for someone who won't fight for me.

I'm indifferent to the idea of "falling in love" anyways.

I have feelings for you, but I'm indifferent to them.

So when you come back with your answer, and it's not the one for me...

I won't ask you why.