Goodbye

I guess here is my goodbye to all the people I once knew. We shared classes, songs, and laughs together. I’ll miss your faces when I walk the halls of our high school. When I watch a football game and I don’t see your faces up in the stands I’ll think of us. I’ll hope we get together but this truly is the end. Graduation told us to grow up. Graduation told us to go to college. Graduation told us to find new friends. Graduation told us to move on.
Time never said goodbye to me, why should I say goodbye to time? Time always wins. Time made me say goodbye to some and hello to others. Time slowed and sped up but it never stopped. The time conundrum that is life took me to limbo and back. Maybe the grave never actually waits for us. Maybe I've been too blunt with the poems i've written. Maybe the readers won't understand them. Maybe the poems don't understand me. Maybe Goodbyes are better unsaid. Sometimes the closure doesn't change anything anyways.

The past of the Priory

I'm slipping.
I can't show this to you.
This was not meant for you.
This was meant for me.
This was my vent.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
But I can't deny my feelings anymore....
I can't deny my past.
I can't deny this post.
I can't deny the punishment.
I don't care about how much trouble I could get in at this moment.
I'm slipping,  and I'm reckless.
One man's trash is another man's tears.......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A2nSrU95cA


Why do I hurt myself so much.
like the red life pumping out of my arms yesterday.

I thought about the songs you played me
I thought we were different

You missed a few lines in my last blogposts, some things i was too scared to say so I wrote them in black on my blog.

I thought I could stop picking the scabs after my friend branded me...
I want the scars.

Why can't I look at you and see a friend anymore.
Why can't I look at you and see a lover anymore.
Why can't I even look at you...
every time I try the water blocks my vision

I thought music would have the answers
Night terrors gave me them instead

I thought the song I wrote might transfer to some other lover...

You thought the church bell sounded holy when I thought it was haunting...

Maybe i am just messed up....

I drew the same picture again, the one of the cemeteries 
the one of the char beast
the one of the house of saint give me
the one of the kiln

Sometimes the scary things in life are the ones that keep you coming back for more.

"Are you a demon?" the skitso asked me
Maybe he was asking me directly....
Maybe he was talking to something behind me...
but he stared right into me and asked it
either way it's true
either I'm the demon...
or something behind me is...

The music was killing me that day by the pond
The music is the only thing keeping me alive now

I forget my dreams every morning because I need to...
I remember my scars because I have to...
I make new ones because I want to...

Every night I fall asleep to wake up and I wake up every day because I didn't die in my sleep like I wish I would have...

Sometimes the scary things in life are the ones that keep you coming back for more.