To you all

Never knew how to write these

I've written so many though

No man can shake this

I don't see a future I can trust

I'm sorry you'll have to live with this,

because I couldnt.

Powerful

Feeling powerless over your own life

________

________

________

Feeling powerless over your own death

___

Powerless.

Repeat the mantra

Something tells me no matter how hard I try I'll always end up in a shower after a bad day.

Still feel like your man

Where are you now?
I'm so worried about you I can't even function.
You might be taken from me after all this anyways....
I need to see your eyes.
I need to hear you heart.
I need to make our hands fit the way they should.
I should hate you right now.
But the only emotion that makes sense is love.
I forgive you forever
I know you're okay where you are, but I feel like I can hear your thoughts from here
I miss you
I need you
I hear you
I thought I knew what love was before...

Beach Baby

This is me trying to find the words...
The spots on the map
Sacred places where we feel safe
Holding the flag room in my arms as I try to throw back together the timeline of it all

and there was nothing like walking the city's creeks holding love's hand

The hands, they don't fit

The geometrical dimensions of this relationship don't fit

I'm not your type
I wasnt that guy
You weren't that girl

Nothing fits...
and I told myself I would never write any more poems about other people

Maybe I am addicted to the hugs

maybe its the eyes

maybe its the tightness in my chest
maybe its seeing her when she wakes up in a pool of emotions
maybe its watching her swim out

or the absolute literal lung piercing feeling of her on my chest

maybe it was waiting outside the tower for an hour just to see her face, only to never see it

maybe its the 2 hour phone calls at 3 in the morning
maybe it's the smell of her hair 

maybe its how helpless I feel
where I'm completely vulnerable 

that place where you could level me with your eyes
Melting like a candle

Kicking me while I'm down

Breathing into me my own voice 

I tried that day to keep that part of myself protected

That kiss

The way you closed your eyes

I needed to see that you could be as vulnerable as I am every time I see those snake eyes

Nothing makes me feel smaller....warmer...............defensless

Its a friday, we finally made it
I'll leave the city of angels and the library magic,
and I'll ride down to hike upwards over the mountain

because the 4 hours of one on one time with you is worth the other 44 without

The first heartbeat that convinced me that life had meaning and purpose

The only reason why I continue at all
Wasn't the reason I found in you...
but was the reason I found inside myself
When you showed it to me