This and more, after the break...

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Joshua H. Experience!

Today we view the details of chapter 9 in section 22 of the sensational life of Joshua Hill!

In Chapter 8 of his life as seen on yesterday's television program he experienced euphoria with an absolute uncanny release of stress!

Will this new passerby become a special someone? 

Will the unfortunate details of his life press him to fight feelings?

Will we find out more juicy details of his parents' divorce?

Or will our favorite protagonist live out another ordinary day in Sunny summertown, Provo Utah?

This and more, after the break...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBh4oNS31vI

slow knife

it's not easy
being loved less every day
slowly, as your differences start to settle in
when they don't like the way you spoke just there
it's never all at once
just as you suffer
no matter how much you care
the day comes 
when they don't look at you the same
you'll look back at your gaunt eyes in the mirror 
as they catch you walking by
a moment with yourself at 2:49 in the morning
suddenly your back will break 
from the pressure of life
your hands holding the weight of your body against the sink
long dark hair hanging over 
the face your mother gave you
nobody is there with you 
in front of that mirror
no hands rest on your shoulder
in that moment
nobody is there to understand you
it didnt happen all at once
where she was there for you 
and then she wasn't
she was slowly but surely 
not there for you sometimes
but sometimes became often
until you'll have a moment like this
in front of the mirror
and you'll realize 
that she doesnt love you anymore
you'll reach that point 
and struggle to see yourself in the mirror again
as your eyes fill up
and your chest sinks
it's not as if one day she loved you 
and the other day she didnt
its moreso 
that over months
she bargained to herself every day 
if she liked the way you did something
and every other day lost the bargain
until one day she looked at you 
and her heart didn't flutter
the next she was angry with your shortcomings
soon enough
she didn't want you to touch her
your hands somehow unwanted
your warmth somehow cold
it didnt happen overnight
you watched it happen in slow motion
and it's not easy 
to watch someone un-love you in slow motion
its not easy to hear 
that your hands 
make someone who you love
feel uncomfortable
the same hands that hold you up 
in front of that mirror
its not easy
to feel like those hands 
cant make that person
feel at home anymore
it makes you think
and wonder how the four seasons of the earth 
metaphorically describe the way 
she stopped looking at you the same
how you were unloved
a little more every day
your hands needed less and less
until you are back in front of that same mirror
without her
you'll wonder how you got there 
and you'll retrace your memories
grainy pictures and quiet nights
soft and subtle music humming in the background
candles in the van
in those memories
you see
every day she loved you less
suddenly it won't shock you anymore
that it's over
because you saw her drifting away
and there was nothing you could do to save it
you witnessed your hands pushed away
again and again
until
you'll find your eyes in the mirror
looking past your long dark hair
the same eyes that she fell in love with
you'll realize 
that you shouldn't be surprised 
by something that unfolded slowly
before those same eyes you stare at
when the summer you wished to spend with her
flickers in your unwanted palms
you'll begin to hate your eyes
for not seeing sooner
that she'll never love you again
like she did in september
when her hands 
were electricity in yours
when her eyes
were sprinting at a future with you
when her lips 
were begging you to come home from logan
and leave the silliness behind you
carefully you'll prepare yourself 
for another life without her
and you'll wonder
if you can trust 
the eyes in the mirror
you'll wonder 
why your parents don't love eachother anymore
you'll wonder
how you lost her
you'll wonder
why you had to see it all happen slowly
you'll wonder
if it even matters that you have hands
if they're not wanted
you'll wonder forever
but you'll understand
the one thing you were meant to
that it is the slow knife that kills





Page 40 Volume 23 on Shelf 4 of Wall 3 of Hexagon:

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A most unusual feeling

Sailing on electric ribbons of sound
Dark wood grain and the soft hum of strung flourescent lights
An odd colored rug and a dimly lit garage

The dance beyond his limits
Blues for Allah
Free your mind, your ass will follow

Adventure holds fragrant memories
Bathing in smoke above a cedar-fire
Crude burning engines that barrelled across the old west for a campout
Lining a future cask with memories, sounds, and cascading quantum frequencies
Stopping at a motel and levy for three minutes of an uninterrupted smoke break
Neon signs buzz under the residual beating heart of a cancelled day
These sounds, these sonic ribbons of light.
The present time fleets this far past the breathing man.
Generations.
Though far dead now, remains a succor to a digital prisoner

The central scrutinizer
Eyes aren't meant for computer screens
Computers once worked with pencils, and would go home at night and eat dinner
Their tireless work carried meatbags to the moon
now replaced with copper wires and motherboards

Chipping white face paint
Gaunt eyes rounded in an egyptian curtain of charcoal
Slobbering poetry through meshed metal into the electrical signal
Transcribed into magnetic current, wound into a tape

Fractal gradients of color and sonic throbbing
It fills his ears, the magnetic tape swirling slowly on his lap,
sitting back in his listening chair with a long cord wrapped in his fingers
the unencumbered mind of a pre-internet being
intoxicated by the music..... just the music.
Smoke curling around the player's fingers, a stogie burns in his right hand resting on the chair
Two fingers harbor the dart while the thumb and subsequents a miller lite
Hi-fi muffs pressing long hair over his ears.


It is 1978, and this hypothetical has more than I'll ever know.
I sit beyond a line in the sands of time.
Criss cross apple-sauce.
The world wide web, being the line.
and I the ever aging glass eye.
Rock and roll, i am unfamiliar with.
A most unusual feeling it is.
When I hear the buzzing of strings ripped across 50 years prior.


I long for a time that breathes fewer breaths each day, in only the memory of the dying.
An albatross, carried around seaside mountains uncarved by railroads or highways.
Sailing hardships through broken harbours, out on the waves in the night.
A time where the magnetic tapes keep me in ignorance to that prism of consciousnes years beyond

In some other reality, i walk barefoot while my chest vibrates to the volume of a festival.
Where the colored lights aid the wisdom of the sage behind the analog microphone.
Where Neil rips across a distorted signal, and communicates a timeless philosophy.
Where Denver was a place and a person.
Where Jerry whisps a swan song.
Where the band slow-jams in a pulsing guitar solo
My brain bending so hard on acid that the music alone fastens me to the earth.
I find myself imagining this place of constant sunset in my mind.
Where music is religion.
Where drums make us dance.
Where synthesizers breathe.
Where soloists are prophets.
Where someone else is the cursed one...
who must partake of this music, in a one and zero digital mimicry of art...
rather than I.




Image result for type 2 tape maxwell blown away



https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7mnZYv1NQ7Tuj2IY290YUy?si=wLJ_M5luRzW2-tVRN07bGQ














it might be past my bed time and nobody will see this anyways

i wrote a soundtrack
45 minutes of gut wrenching music
straight from my soul
several weeks ago i released the trailer



all i have is music....



it might be past my bed time





20 people liked my instagram video, one commented
100+ people saw my story
100 people viewed the youtube link
32% watched until the end
two commented
("rad")
5 people liked it
one dislike :/
(I have reason to believe it was my dad--too dark for the family reputation i guess)





it might be past my bed time



must be my religious instability
im sorry for asking questions
im sorry its too dark for everyone, i just wanted to make music
i've felt a need to make this soundtrack since i was a kid
i ALWAYS knew i could write a soundtrack
but i was wrong about being able to make one that people would admire
im sorry i put myself out there






i know how this goes
the artist who plays at every cafe he can
and doesnt get noticed
and gives up
to go to school to be a businessman



it might be past my bed time


is this what dreams are made of?
because if it is true i dont want to sleep anymore
i want to wake up
this is a nightmare





i cant be who i want to be
i dont think i'll ever find myself like i did before








i think i'm just supposed to shut up
i think they expect me to keep it up
i think they want me to stay



                                            i might be done

it might be past my bed time



i cant even afford to quit anyways
it wouldnt work
itd only set me back further



so as i sit writing this
im reminded of how hard i try
 for 
nothing 
in return


it might be past my bed time






how much i cared







i cant ask other people to care about me



.....its just that....


people i care about 
make me feel small sometimes







and nobody really cares about josh hill :/



Another bender

Brushed flannel on my back
Calfskin boots on my feet
They creek along the wooden floorboards of this cabin for another round on the rocks

The fellas in the smoke shed are the only company south of Fairbanks
The second hand gives me a familiar headache
The darts conclude a long and hard day's work

This Alaskan solstice has my spirit saddlesore
The land of the midnight sun they call it
Every hour in this light has me weary for a proper rest

This wilderness is welded together by these rails
To which I find my time spent riding
Brown mane dancing behind me as the whistle blows

My heart, once gold, is now a rusted iron
And these are sinning hands
This Alaskan vice is the ace in the hole

My chest is heavy and burns inside from another bender
And in this quiet mire, I stare out these train windows
Wishing I was yonder, in the safety of true love's arms

--

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZmxZThb084