Re: Your new year's kiss

I hope it was magical.
Like the entire world melted into gold dust around you.
Like you'd found the one for you.
The kiss you wanted close to you for the rest of your life.

Like the ones, we shared a year ago...

I tried to end it tonight.
Too much risk if I failed in the process.... been down that road before.

Instead, I took too much of whatever I could find, finding myself chewing sunflower seeds in the dark listening to songs that once made us inseparable.

Now it's another year over, and I'm barely coherent enough to write this.
I wish I ceased to exist, but I'm too scared to fail at getting there-- to wake up again in another hospital.

I loved you like my next breath depended on it.
You loved me for my luster until I tarnished.
I would have carried you through anything.

So I hope the kiss you shared with him tonight promised you more than I could....
Because it only hurts me when I feel I could've done more.

Exactly a year ago I was so caught up in your heart.
Wolf mother.
That canyon brought me a woman that was well on her way.
My flaws are too many to trust anyway.

My legs are reminiscing a sting I haven't felt for a while.
I'm concerned that I'm alright with the pain, so long as it distracts me from all this.

So to this new year, I hope I survive another winter alone.
Survive the cold.
Survive the boxcutter.
Survive your memory.
Survive myself.